


I was a fool

by actualsatan



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, M/M, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10662741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualsatan/pseuds/actualsatan
Summary: Short drabble based on Fool because Yoon said it was written about Him.





	I was a fool

It's when you least expect it something huge will happen and shake your world into oblivion. That's what Seungyoon has learnt in his 23 years being alive. The worst things always comes like a lightning from a clear sky. When you're unprepared and have no chance to seek shelter.  
Seungyoon sighs and curls up in his bed, hugging his legs. He tries not to think of Taehyun, but the harder he tries the more he thinks about him.  
He wonders what he's doing now. What he's thinking about. Taehyun blocked him on Instagram. Well, he blocked them all on Instagram, as if it was their fault that Hyunsuk decided to annul his contract and kick him out.  
Seungyoon does his best not to cry when he thinks of Taehyun, but often he fails with that. He's failing right now. Tears are slowly running from the corner of his eyes, over the bridge of his nose and down the side of his face, creating wet spots on his pillow.  
He wish he could take everything back. He wish he didn't try to push Taehyun so hard. He wish he would've told him what he feel about him.  
It's not that he's in love, because he's not. But he loves Taehyun in another way than he loves the others.  
Maybe it is love after all. Maybe Seungyoon has never experienced it before. Maybe he lost his love.  
Seungyoon tries not to think of Taehyun as his love interest because it makes it even harder. That he could've had so much more. He feels stupid. He feels like he took Taehyun for granted.  
The past weeks he's not had any energy to do anything. He's just been laying in his room, crying and hiding from the world. He hears Seunghoon, Mino and Jinwoo mumble outside his door sometimes. Knocking on it, asking if he wants food or maybe join them to watch a film. He never has energy enough to answer them and eventually they give up and leave.  
Seungyoon doesn't leave his room when he know the others are home. He barely eats and he's not seen his members for at least eight days. He knows he's treating them unfairly but he just can't get it in him to say he's sorry. He's broken and it doesn't feel like anything will ever heal him.  
He misses Taehyun more than he ever missed his father.  
He doesn't even remember his father’s voice.  
He hears Taehyun's voice in silences.  
He doesn't know what his father looks like.  
He sees Taehyun's face whenever he close his eyes.  
He close his eyes and tries to sleep, but it's futile. It doesn't work. He's not been able to sleep in two weeks. Short naps every now and then, whenever his body is too exhausted to physically be able to stay up. 

Someone knocks on his door, but he doesn't care. Doesn't answer. He regrets that the last thing he said to Taehyun was “go, leave then”. He regrets that he couldn't compose himself for one second and not yell at him. He regrets that he didn't ask him to stay. He regrets he didn't ask him how he felt more often.  
He feels like he's a failed leader. Mino should've kept the spot. Or maybe Hoon could’ve gotten the spot. Not Seungyoon. He's a failure. A shit leader. 

The person knocks again.  
“Yoonie?”  
It's Mino. Seungyoon doesn't answer. He rolls over and faces the wall instead.  
“I have someone on the phone who wants to talk to you…” Mino's voice is soft and caring and Seungyoon feels bad for shutting him out when he knows he's also devastated about Taehyun.  
“Yoon, please, you're going to regret not taking this,” Mino is more persistent than normal and the guilt is eating at Seungyoon's heart. He stands up, his cover wrapped around his body, and he opens his door to face Mino. He can see Mino swallow when he sees Seungyoon's appearance and Seungyoon knows exactly how horrible he looks.  
His cheeks are hollow and the bags under his eyes have bags under them. His eyes are hazy and bloodshot and his lips are dry and cracked. If he didn't shield his body with his cover Mino would've also seen the normally skinny boys ribs and bruises from lack of nutrition.  
Yoon reaches out a hand for the phone and Mino gives it to him and backs a step.  
Yoon close the door and place the phone to his ear.  
“Hello?” His voice is as messed up as his appearance. Thick from crying and raspy from not being used in days.  
“Yah!”  
Seungyoon literally stumbles and his chest feels like it's going to physically cave open from how hard his heart clench.  
“Are you actually stupid?”  
Taehyun's voice makes Seungyoon believe in a God. He's not able to reply, he just leans against the door and slides down, tears streaming down his face.  
“Yoon.. Seungyoon, stop crying. I'm here, okay. Don't cry.”  
Seungyoon can’t stop crying. He cries harder than he's ever cried. He thinks he's going to throw up because he cries so hard.  
“Please calm down, I'm here. I'm here, please stop crying.”  
Seungyoon does his best to stop crying because it's Taehyun. It's Taehyun on the phone and he's talking to Seungyoon.  
“I'm sorry,” Seungyoon chokes out once he's stopped crying a little. “Please don't hate me.”  
He can hear Taehyun swallow and he holds his breath.  
“I don't hate you,” Taehyun says. “I'm hurt, there's a difference.”  
Seungyoon understands. He understands.

“You have to take care of yourself.”  
Taehyun's voice is strained and it's Yoon's turn to swallow.  
“I'm sorry,” he whispers.  
“Stop saying you're sorry,” Taehyun sighs.  
“But I am sorry..”  
“It doesn't change anything, Seungyoon. What's happened has already happened and it's nothing either of us can do about it.”  
Seungyoon nods even though Taehyun can't see it, his heart aching again.  
“Seungyoon,” Taehyun says, softer. “I care about you, and you have to take care of yourself. Don't do this to the rest. It's selfish.” His voice goes back to being strained at the end. Seungyoon has finally stopped crying but he's aching.  
“I know,” he whispers.  
“I need time, you can't expect me to be fine right now. And I don't need to worry about you, so please, take care of yourself so I don't have to worry. Mino called me saying you look like a living corpse. Seungyoon, get a fucking grip of yourself.”  
Seungyoon hides his face against his knees in shame.  
“I'm sorry,” he starts but Taehyun interrupts him.  
“Stop, just stop.”  
Seungyoon shuts up.  
“I'm not going to hurt forever, and I'd like you to be there when I'm good enough to come back. Not to Winner, but as your friend. Okay? Please Seungyoon, understand.”  
Seungyoon's heart skips a beat.  
Taehyun says there's hope.  
“Okay,” he whispers, voice cracking. “Please come back.”  
Taehyun sighs.  
“Only if you take care of yourself.”  
Seungyoon nods again. “I promise,” he say. He'd do anything for Taehyun.  
“Okay good. I have to go now, but you can like.. Call me if it gets really bad. I _will_ be back as your friend, you just need to give me some time.”  
“I love you,” Seungyoon whispers and he hears Taehyun sigh quietly and then swallow.  
“I love you too.. Bye,” he says after a short silence and hangs up. Seungyoon sits still and quiet for a short while before he stands up and walks out to the living room, finding the other members.  
He stands in the doorway, wrapped in his cover, fiddling with it. The other three have silenced and are staring at him and he's too embarrassed to look at them back.  
“I'm sorry for making you worried,” he mumbles after a short moment of silence. He hears shuffling and he looks up from the floor and he's wrapped in the strong arms from his members, totally engulfed in their warm embraces.  
“Welcome back,” Mino mumbles into Yoon's greasy hair.  
“We were so worried about you,” Hoon says and Yoon swallows.  
“I'm going to take better care of myself from now on,” he says. He doesn't say he's doing it for Taehyun. They don't need to know. But he's back now.


End file.
